There’s something to be said for connections that we have with others. Sharing a connection and shouldering the burdens of others is something that makes us uniquely human. We worry about people we love; its part of being social. It’s empathy.
What we don’t realize is that all too often we are carrying more than we are capable of. Over time it takes a toll on us, both mentally and physically. Some of us do it because we think that is what we are supposed to do; some of us do it to show we care. I do it because I am codependent. The definition of co-dependence would be along the lines of “When other people’s lives make YOU crazy.”
Hi, My name is Robin and I’m codependent.
The ultimate display of this was drawn to my attention this last week when I lost someone that I love, not because they passed, but because I finally decided to refuse to carry their burdens. If they wanted to leave I had to be willing to let them, and their burdens, go. Not because I don’t love them, but because I love me more.
I was sitting at my desk at work a few days later and my co-worker, who knew what had happened, walked by and said, “Wow, you look lighter.” I know she was talking about my disposition, not my weight. I told her, “You know, you’re right; I feel lighter. Thank you.”
Carrying someone else’s burdens make us heavier than we need to be. All the weight loss and dieting in the world won’t make us any less heavy-hearted and it isn’t until we draw a boundary or give up some of the burden of others problems that we can be a little more free; lighter.
The benefit of finding someone you can talk to that you trust is invaluable.
As hard as it can be to let someone go, I did it. It’s not easy, it’s not fun, and there is a lot of pain and tears, but in order to get the all around kind of well-being we need to get healthy, sometimes it just has to happen. Releasing someone helps us release ourselves. It’s a lot like forgiving; we don’t do it for the other person; we do it for ourselves.
Be free. Be joyful. Be lighter.