Failing, Falling, and Hanging off the Edge

I’m not trying to be dramatic. I swear.

If you asked me yesterday how I was doing, and if I were to answer you honestly I would tell you this “I feel like I’m falling off a cliff and I have my little pinky finger hanging on to the edge.” Seriously, I was one step away from a nervous break down.

 

Lack of sleep will do this to you.

 

I’m trying to sleep at night but my mind races 100 miles per hour. I think that if I could harness the speed with which my brain travels when all I want is to sleep, I could power a super computer. The notepad next to my bed is full of thoughts, musings, to-do lists, things to remember etc. I have dumped the truck of all the stray thoughts, yet still sleep evades me.

I need to go for a run. I think that’s what’s wrong. I haven’t run since Saturday and it’s messing with my sleep pattern. Yeah. Let’s blame it on that.

Oh, and I’m getting married this Sunday. That’s messing with my brain too, I suppose…

 

Last night I finally got some good sleep; the unfortunate outcome being that I have regained my clarity and my critical eye…

I had laid out 4 goals for myself on January 7th… all of which I am failing at right now. And I can see that plain as day. Thank you, sleep.

For reference the goals I set are:

1. 3 runs per week- follow training calendar

2. Whole 30 upon return from honeymoon (Jan 21st-Feb 18th)

3. Try one new class or exercise per week (or one that I haven’t done in a long time)

4. Scrapbook race bibs 3 per week to stay motivated for my full marathon.

 

These are short, 6 week goals, so I’m not overly concerned with the fact that they aren’t going as well as I had hoped. What I am concerned about is that a major life event has derailed me so easily. Granted, I’m still eating mostly clean, but besides that I am hanging on by a thread.

Is it too harsh to say that I am failing?

Maybe the hanging on is what builds strength?

I could use some of that right about now.

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3 thoughts on “Failing, Falling, and Hanging off the Edge

  1. I just got married in August, and I can relate 100%. The final two weeks were brutal. (I’m not yet passed all the frustration; it’ll be a little while still before I can think of the wedding day happily and not tarnished by the stress, but I’ll get there).

    My main thought is to simply let yourself off the hook. For everything. For running, for goals, for wedding details still in the works, for family drama, everything. 100 %. Take a few minutes, sit comfortably in a quiet space, breath deeply, and give yourself permission to let. it. go.

    I seriously had to do this over and over. It doesn’t necessarily help the situations, but it helps you face and move past them.

    Congratulation on your wedding; I hope you have a fabulous day and truly enjoy yourself. And then finally rest afterward!

  2. Robin,

    The first word that came to my mind was grace. Give yourself some grace. Focus on the wedding for now because you are going to want to enjoy it (which I know you know). Run when you can but don’t stress about that you lose the joy/refreshness you get from them.

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