I’ve been spending a lot of time lately on self reflection, goal planning, and pathway checking. I know where I want to be and what that looks like for me, but as I step back and pay more attention to the actions I’m taking towards that end game (my level 50?) I realize that I am walking in the wrong direction.
We all have a path and I think what I’ve come to realize is that in my desperate codependency I have been mimicking, instead of living.
I don’t know what took me so long to pull my head out of my ass. Seriously.
My dad died 5 years ago today (August 8th), and in that time I’ve come really far in saving myself from ending up just like him. But my motivations lately have been all wrong. The things I keep desperately trying to fit into my mold are all wrong. I’ve had difficulty finding my passion over the last few months. Nothing is motivating me except avoiding the disappointment of others. What a horrible way to go.
I need to be truthful with Robin, and not care about anyone or anything else. If I let someone down because I didn’t meet their expectations of me, that’s information about them- not me.
True facts about Robin:
-I like to run. Short distances. Like 3-10 miles or less. Beyond that I hate life and its not fun for me anymore.
-I don’t want to look like a runner. Most runners who are elite are skinny fat. I want to be strong.
-I hate being told what to eat. I’m stubborn and need to make my own choices, but not out of fear. And I’m picky. I like what I like. I like mostly Paleo. I like the occasional gluten free item without a steaming hot plate of guilt.
Only I know what works for me– that’s it. No one else can possibly know what is in my brain, and therefore they cannot possibly know what I need.
So… below is a rewrite, revamp, overhaul of my goals for the current 6 week challenge on Nerd Fitness….
(July 29- Sept 8)
1. Read. I checked out the New Rules of Lifting for Women from the library. This goal is pass or fail. Reading the book by September 8th is a pass
Reward: (+2 STA +2 CON)
2. Relax. As I stated in my rant above, I like to run short distances. My goal for the rest of this challenge is to fun run. If it’s not fun, I stop. I’d like to do this once a week.
4 weeks= A
3 weeks= B
2 weeks= C
Reward: (+2 CHA +2 WIS)
3. Track. Ok. Being totally honest with myself, when I stay accountable for what goes in, I am more likely to be honest. I like tracking my food. Plain and simple. Not obsessing. Just calling it what it is. This goal remains unchanged.
36-42 days = A
29-35 days = B
22-28 days = C
15-21 days = D
0-14 days = F
Reward: (+2 DEX, +1 WIS)
4. Research. For my life goal I want to start making progress on a dream that Pixie and I have had for a while now. We want to figure out some way to either become a non-profit that raises money for a cause or figure out how to partner with one that does. I am passionate about mental health research and abolition of the stigma surrounding mental health issues, as I have loved ones who struggle with bipolar, depression, and anxiety. I want to spend the next 6 weeks researching nonprofits and how to get our toes in the water without looking like fools.
6 study sessions= A
5 study sessions= B
4 study sessions= C
3 study sessions= D
0-2 study sessions= F
Reward: (+2 WIS, +2 CON)