Change of Plans (Surprise!)

I was just sitting here thinking “I should probably update my blog and tell folks how that big awesome list of things to do is going…”

Well, here is your update: I have done zero things that I said I would so far. And it’s totally ok.

After I wrote that amazing list of things I was going to accomplish in 2015, I got sick. Around Mid January I found myself barely able to pull myself out of bed. I was lethargic, weepy, and just plain exhausted. I thought at first that maybe the time change that had happened in November was having some lingering affect on me. Maybe I was coming down with mono or some other sort of illness. Maybe I overdid it at Christmas and my body was revolting.

Never once did I consider the now obvious answer.

I’m expecting.

It’s crazy- after trying to get pregnant for nearly two years, you just stop expecting it to happen. At the urging of a friend who heard my symptoms, I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test. In fact, I bought a two pack. I have been through the let down of the negative test before, so I was bracing myself for more of the same. My husband, however, had not and I didn’t want to get his hopes up and crush them, so I decided to take it in private. I even went as far as to hide the packaging and extra test in my car, so that when it was a bust, he would be none the wiser.

As I sat there waiting for the three minutes to come around, I watched in awe as a second line appeared for the very first time. Two. There were two lines.

My husband was in the other room asking me questions and telling me about his day, when I quietly asked him to come in the bathroom and help me. I’ve always wanted to be one of those girls who had awesome ways of surprising her husband with the news, but in my shock and awe, all I could get out was “Are those two lines? There’s two, right?”

He had no idea what I was talking about, but he did agree there were two. Then his eyes focused on what exactly I was holding and he looked up at me as I shook violently.

The next hour was filled with phone calls to close friends, talking and staring at the test, and tears.

I am now 17 1/2 weeks along and Bacon Bits (the name we have affectionately given out spawn) seems to be doing well.

I haven’t done much since I got pregnant- I always thought I would be one of those moms you see, belly out, still dead-lifting, but alas I am not. I’m lucky if I have the energy to walk 5,000 steps a day. We tried to go for a hike the other day and I had to go very slow up some very small hills. I just can’t breathe like I used to.

This little peanut is taking a toll on me. But to quote a picture I saw the other day, “Pregnancy is the happiest reason there is to feel like crap.” It’s so true.

I’m hoping this summer can bring some more hikes, but for now I am doing what I can to keep my stress down, sleep a ton, drink all the water, and nourish my body well.

Year End What’s Up/ What’s Next

Well, 2014, it’s been real.

This year has been a huge tornado of firsts and changes. Sometimes, a few life path alterations keep us pointed in the same direction, but I have had so many this year that I truly feel like my life has started in on a new journey.

The year started off in an epic way- my first lifting meet! I flew down in January to Dallas Texas to meet up with some of the best people on the planet- other Rebels from Nerd Fitness. We met up at a Crossfit gym, and cheered each other on towards a mountain of PR’s. Hanging out with them was a highlight for me, and now that it’s almost a year later, I miss them all so much. Such good people.

In May my best friend and I did our very first Spartan race. It was one of the most challenging things I had done. The water was freezing, the obstacles were difficult, and the finish was epic. I’m thinking I might even shoot for more in 2015…

June brought one of the most epic things I have ever done, which led me to one of the most amazing communities ever. GORUCK. I participated in a Light, and now I have plans to get a challenge in 2015, and maybe a few more events? Hint hint, GORUCK, a scavenger in Colorado would be cool…  My reward to myself and a belated birthday present was Ziva, my GORUCK pack. Easily the most comfortable bag I’ve ever owned.

Most of my summer was spent hiking, 14ers in specific. There are quite a few that I still want to get to, and 2015 has their names written all over it. I’m really excited to get back out on the trails and to keep pushing my limits. I was trying to think of which summit was my favorite, but I don’t think I can nail it down to just one. Catching sunrise on Mount Sherman was amazing. Getting 3 out of 4 of The Quad was challenging and fun. Pikes Peak was an awesome hike and though it was long, it was gorgeous, with multiple different types of terrain. Evans’ summit was quick, and the way down was… trailblazing…

In August I took a twist with my 5k adventures and started to Ruck them (ie, carrying weight in a pack, and instead of running I do a quick walk, like a shuffle, but more effective.) I had been shooting for 45 minutes or less with the weight, and at the Esprit de She I clocked in at 44:08!!! I was on fire and I felt amazing!

In the fall I started attending November Project on Wednesday mornings, before work. The workouts are killer, and though I’m the slowest person there, I never feel unwelcome, and I always get a good burn. Free fitness? Hello. I’ve even been given the positivity award twice, which is crazy because THEY are the ones who keep me positive!

I finished up the year taking a massive step towards a Life Quest goal of mine (Becoming a Search and Rescue K9 handler). This December, I completed my Wilderness First Aid certification. We spent 2 days in the mountains working through lessons and scenarios, and the scenarios specifically showed me that this is what I want to be doing.

Unrelated to health and fitness, my life took another huge turn. In September, I felt like I was being called out of ministry. I had been working at my church full time for almost 8 years, and the thought of leaving my job scared me and made me sick to my stomach. But, God provided and showed me where he wanted me to go- and confidently I went. The change has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but I know it was the right thing.

Related to health, I also started to see a chiropractor. I am feeling great, and I am hoping that the long term benefits to this are everything that I hope they will be. My Chiro showed us our X-rays and walked us through all the different aspects to them; I feel sort of like an expert on my spine! All the areas where it Zigs instead of Zags directly relate to issues that I have physically and emotionally. It’s amazing.

Upcoming for 2015:

1. More Spartan! I’m thinking a Super?

2. More GORUCK! A challenge in June for my birthday!

3. More November Project! Ya’ll good?

4. More 14ers! Bierstad, Quandary, Democrat…

5. More safety! I’m applying for my church’s safety team!

6. More lifting! I am determined to get my 500# club patch this year!

I’m preparing for a wild ride…

The Art of Coming Undone

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately on self reflection, goal planning, and pathway checking. I know where I want to be and what that looks like for me, but as I step back and pay more attention to the actions I’m taking towards that end game (my level 50?) I realize that I am walking in the wrong direction.

We all have a path and I think what I’ve come to realize is that in my desperate codependency I have been mimicking, instead of living.

I don’t know what took me so long to pull my head out of my ass. Seriously.

My dad died 5 years ago today (August 8th), and in that time I’ve come really far in saving myself from ending up just like him. But my motivations lately have been all wrong. The things I keep desperately trying to fit into my mold are all wrong. I’ve had difficulty finding my passion over the last few months. Nothing is motivating me except avoiding the disappointment of others. What a horrible way to go.

I need to be truthful with Robin, and not care about anyone or anything else. If I let someone down because I didn’t meet their expectations of me, that’s information about them- not me.

True facts about Robin:

-I like to run. Short distances. Like 3-10 miles or less. Beyond that I hate life and its not fun for me anymore.

-I don’t want to look like a runner. Most runners who are elite are skinny fat. I want to be strong.

-I hate being told what to eat. I’m stubborn and need to make my own choices, but not out of fear. And I’m picky. I like what I like. I like mostly Paleo. I like the occasional gluten free item without a steaming hot plate of guilt.

 

Only I know what works for me– that’s it. No one else can possibly know what is in my brain, and therefore they cannot possibly know what I need.

 

So… below is a rewrite, revamp, overhaul of my goals for the current 6 week challenge on Nerd Fitness….

#sorrynotsorry

 

Hammi’s Main Quest: Be Real Honest

(July 29- Sept 8)
Missions:

1. Read. I checked out the New Rules of Lifting for Women from the library. This goal is pass or fail. Reading the book by September 8^th is a pass

 

Reward: (+2 STA +2 CON)

2. Relax. As I stated in my rant above, I like to run short distances. My goal for the rest of this challenge is to fun run. If it’s not fun, I stop. I’d like to do this once a week.

4 weeks= A

3 weeks= B

2 weeks= C

Reward: (+2 CHA +2 WIS)

 

3. Track. Ok. Being totally honest with myself, when I stay accountable for what goes in, I am more likely to be honest. I like tracking my food. Plain and simple. Not obsessing. Just calling it what it is. This goal remains unchanged.

36-42 days = A

29-35 days = B

22-28 days = C

15-21 days = D

0-14 days = F

Reward: (+2 DEX, +1 WIS)
Life Quest:

4. Research. For my life goal I want to start making progress on a dream that Pixie and I have had for a while now. We want to figure out some way to either become a non-profit that raises money for a cause or figure out how to partner with one that does. I am passionate about mental health research and abolition of the stigma surrounding mental health issues, as I have loved ones who struggle with bipolar, depression, and anxiety. I want to spend the next 6 weeks researching nonprofits and how to get our toes in the water without looking like fools.

6 study sessions= A

5 study sessions= B

4 study sessions= C

3 study sessions= D

0-2 study sessions= F

Reward: (+2 WIS, +2 CON)